Tuesday, March 23, 2010
When a sunbeam on my face,
Like a stream of fairy dust,
Leaves me in a daze.
When a newborn smiles at angels
In his immaculate sleep,
After my crooning song.
When chubby little fingers grab my hand,
When my toes sink deep into cold, salty sand;
When the fragrance of age-old paperbacks,
Get me lost in my duvet covers,
At the sight of heartache,
Even more so, at the sight of conflict.
With every loss of hope,
Even more so, at the loss of trust.
At new horizons,
At the prospect of new beginnings;
When scintillating flavours,
Cover me in warm familiar layers,
And take me home.
At his striking laughter,
The stolen kisses,
And our deep demeanour.
At the soulful blues,
Our rock and roll beats;
Those peace-loving fools.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
That scent…where was it coming from?
I could recognise it anywhere…that sweet, bitter aroma that hit every nerve on my body and made me tingle.
He was near…very near. What could I do? I looked around me to see if there was anywhere I could hide. Maybe I should just turn around quickly and walk away…
I should continue walking calmly and just pretend that I hadn’t noticed. Yes…I should do that. I can do that. I had done it before…just moved on.
---- ---- ---- ----
It had been three long years since our last rendezvous. The affair…yes, I call it an affair…had kept me bound for five years. Those five years in which I had spent every waking minute trapped in his rapture. I was young, naïve, and eagerly ready for new discoveries. I thought I was in control, but oh how I overestimated myself. The moment my lips were touched on that cold winter night, I knew there was no looking back. The taste consumed me…my tongue was on fire…the ecstasy seeped down deep into my body and into my veins until I felt something like never before. What was this feeling? This sudden rush…my head felt light…and I felt alive.
After that night there was no looking back. I would crave for more…at all times of the day…In the corner of the classroom…or even sneaking out of my room in the middle of the night. I was suddenly happier, more energetic. People noticed a different side of me...told me I looked radiant, and everyone was happy for me. I was glad, but craved for more.
As time passed, our relationship got rocky. I became too dependant and couldn’t function normally on my own anymore. It had come to a point where the sparks were barely flaring…there was no more exhilaration…no more erotic intensity…just mundane routine; a routine that had consumed me and taken control over every one of my decisions and actions. Mornings were spent in an air of strenuous silence, no eye contact, no intimacy; just a chronic sketch. I didn’t know what had happened…what had changed? He seemed indifferent to everything…perhaps it was me…
I needed out. I needed to end it. And I did.
---- ---- ---- ----
I look up as I hear the clinking of a spoon. That familiar clinking as the sugar dissolves and blends into the flavour of his dark and alluring presence. I close my eyes and take a deep breath…I breathe in and savour that warm, creamy, zealous fragrance. It’s been such a long time…a tiny peck wouldn’t hurt… after all, I am much stronger than I used to be.
I spit out the two-hour old gum from my mouth and drink some water…if I was going to do it, I as going to do it right. I march up to the counter, look directly into the handsome barista’s eyes and say, “One caramel espresso macchiato please”.
It was time for chai to step aside for a bit, so that I could rekindle my first flame: Coffee.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, June 16, 2008
D: “ooh Jo, you look so porcelain pretty!!”
Me: “erm….Thanks I guess.”
D: “Jo! Look, that guy is so hot! A little ugly, but still hot!”
Me: “So I drop you to your mum’s office right? Do you know the way?”
D: “Nope. Just drive around to wherever you know and we’ll figure it out from there!”
D: “Oh I hate traffic…I got an idea! Lift up your top, he’ll get distracted and give us way!”
Me: “Considering size, wouldn’t it be more effective if you do the lifting of your top?”
D: “Hmm…maybe. But you should do it too! Cos two is better than one. Or actually it will be four is better than one. Oh no wait… it’ll be four is better than two right? No! I got it! Two pairs are better than one pair!”
Me: “Pair of…umm…boobs?”
D: “Is your headache still aching?”
D: “So what if I’m in a relationship? There is no harm in appreciating male beauty. Guys do it all the time!”
D: “I’m the real Thomas because my grandfather was British”
D: “Laundry is very important. It makes life smell less funky”
D: “Oh Damn. I just told my editor I’d do a story even though I had a feeling I won’t do it”
D: “Jo, can I be loud in here?”
Me: “Yes, as long as you don’t walk into anything”
(2 secs later)
D: “woopppss…I just walked into that pillar”
D: “Eww…that guy is staring at us. Let’s take his picture!”
D: “I’ll do my exam at breakneck speed so I can go get my eyebrows done!”
D: “I’m so used to getting arrested and jailed by now; the police just let me walk in and out. I’m a regular”
D: “I’m so bored. The only person online is the President’s son and he’s not entertaining anymore”
All above statements are accurate and based on true events, and were said by a real person.
Thanks to Dilu, my bestest Sheep.
I love you.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
I think the exam fever is getting to me. I'm also in dire need of mum's cooking.
Just need to get through the next 10 days, and then I'm off baby! Yeah!
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Well mostly because I had a blastful summer. The weddings were awesome, the crowd was sexy and plenty of drinks and music meant a rocking time altogether. Plus plenty of new faces to remember. Shame everything had to end all of a sudden with bloody college beginning.
Teehee, every weekend brings back holiday mood though, thanks to my brilliant timetable this sem.
OH yes how could I forget...the freshers are here! MUHAHAHA.
*sigh, yes my lame attempt at an evil laugh (no one can beat Mandark though)
No, no I'm no bully. Ok, not a big one anyway. Just a little torture doesn't hurt anyone. The poor fluffs jump at the sight of us, it's a waste to just let them go...
But it's been almost a week and I'm bored of them already.
> Tolerate same roommate again.
> Watch more movies I like.
> Learn french (imp)
> Take risks.
> Get more music.
> Think about moving out.
> Get addicted to a show.
> Maintain decent attendance in class.
> Bond with people.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Bah...here are the highlights:
Food - dinner at The Pizza Company: very loud and heavy, but a good start to the holiday.
- wine, steak and sexy chocolate desert at JAL Beach Resort, Fujairah: very, very classy.
- pasta at Mrs Vinelli's: exactly what i've been waiting for.
- Zen Japanese restaurant, Abu Dhabi - watching that chef make shushimi can turn anyone on.
- Mum's cooking: nothing can beat that.
- I like baking.
Gigs - Aerosmith: men in tight pink and red satin look extremely hot on stage. (plus, I got to meet Ali again, with his hair longer and smile cuter...)
- the Rock Off: not too bad for a Sharjah gig. SaffireFix and SunKing nailed it.
Shopping - cheap stuff in Karama and Ajman still rock
- I look bad in spots, green and yellow.
- I like shopping with Nida, but not with E. Eating with both of them is good.
I realise how much I miss driving. I'm not getting out of the car for the rest of the holiday.
Another thing, sleeping is a luxury I'm completely spoiling myself with.
So yeah, the UAE has sufficiently sufficed (heehee!) my holiday requirements for now.
Next stop: Mangi wedding season. And a Cochin one. Let's see what this summer brings...
Saturday, April 28, 2007
I’ve been made to listen to Akon’s ‘Smack That’ (don’t you dare ask me how I even know those names), about 5.7 million times in the past week. Why am I putting myself through such torture you ask? I’ll tell you why. ‘Why’ is my roommate, who can’t get enough of that freaking song. Over and over AND over again. Non-stop. To add to my suffering is her crooning along with Akon, to please smack that and give her some more, up on the floor (or whatever these rap guys sing about).
So please if someone could just freaking smack that for her and answer her prayers, maybe I can refrain myself from smacking the daylight senses out of her, her laptop or Akon.
Please note, no offense to my roommate or her laptop. Just her taste in music. And Akon.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
For those of you who have forgotten who Freddy Kreuger is, here's something to spark your memory:
Remember Nightmare on Elm Street? Or does no one watch teenage Johnny Depp movies anymore...? But hey, even though Freddy killed him in the movie, he still looked hot!! Ah yes, Johnny Depp...
Me thinks in order to balance the picture of Krueger, I really have to post up a picture of Depp over here. Really in the interest of my readers of course. Honest!
*sigh...gimme a moment to drool over Mr Depp...
Sorry, now where were we? Oh yes, the bug bite thing. So yeah, I woke up on Saturday (or at least tried to, considering i hadn't slept that night) with a tingly sensation all over my face, around my eyes in particular. I obviously blamed it on not sleeping the previous night, and also due to the tension caused by the AM Plus assignment due. But the next morning my eye had swollen up like a rotten tomato, making my face look like a disfigured pumpkin merged together with a brinjal...please excuse, no direct attacks on vegetables or vegetarians of any sort. I love them really. I sincerely thought I was going to get a horrible stye on my eye (*giggle that rhymes), like I usually do with lack of sleep and stress. But how wrong I was...
Come Monday morning and I'm unable to get out of bed because of the tremendous pain, and I look in the mirror, and instead of screaming in horror which is a normal reaction considering the hideous sight staring back at me, I burst into tears and tell Karishma and Kriti that I might, just might, have to go to the hospital...imagine me wanting to go to a hospital. Has to be something serious right? See mummy, I had to do it some day...unfortunately it was because of a bug.
So yeah, we go to KMC, stand in queues, argue with nurses, hold our noses and all that jazz, and finally learn that it's the Manipal Bug. Karu goes "see, see I had it tooooo". now I really know how much pain the little critter had caused her. So that was that. I couldn't stop crying the rest of the day, partly because of the pain, partly because I wanted mummy, and the rest because I looked like a cheap Halloween mask. I couldn't take it anymore, made Karu get me a taxi to drop me to M'lore and called Aunty to tell her what happened and that I was coming.
So yay! I got here last night and loving Aunt took me to her good friend Dr. Harold, who turned out to be the biggest jackass of the century. He showed up only at 11:30 at night, leaving us waiting for over an hour with his four trainee nurses who stared at me like I was something they'd never seen before (probably like a cute boy, an eyeliner or even sunlight maybe) He comes strolling in, making the nurses jump up quickly and smoothen their hair and skirts like they've been caught doing something naughty, and looks right into my face and says,
"Right, what happened to you?"
"Well, I got bitten. By a bug"
*stop staring at me and do something you lame-o"WHAT? what do you mean bug??"
*dude, why are you yelling at this time of night?"They called it the Manipal Bug. Sir...er..at KMC. In Manipal...where I study."
*is he interrogating me???He gets out his torch and sticks it in my face and yanks open my eye. I yelp in pain and he tells me to shut up...all the while i'm cursing the daylights out of this sadistic maniac. He then spots the lesion on my neck.
"It's part of the Manipal bug bite"
" Ah...hahaha, I see lots of college students being taken to hospitals with these type of marks on their necks..."
*you evil loony of a quack!! Are you actually suggesting that I've come to you with a hickey on my neck, with my Aunt escorting me???
"This is from the bug bite. See, the marks are similar...!"
"Ok, but i've never heard of such a thing. A Manipal bug!! ha!"
*cos you're an idiot
So I guess he finally believed me. Or had to cos we were all tired, and he probably had to flirt with his weird nurses or something, and he prescribed me some pills and we could finally leave.
So, other than going through a self-image breakdown, scary trips to the hospital and an encounter with a psycho doctor, this whole thing hasn't been THAT bad...I'm getting thoroughly pampered at home and don't have to do anything. Plus, I'll get better eventually, it's just my face after all. Things could have turned worse right? Right? I don't care about the scars, I just want my eye back to normal...at least close to normal. I'm still me.
Good night fluffs of the world. Sleep tight, and remember, don't let the bugs bite!
Saturday, March 31, 2007
I’m on the verge of completing the 20th year of my life. Two decades of my existence have past… or has it? (furtively raising one eyebrow) No no, that will be the topic for some other time.
Back on track, what has it all come down to?
Do I have some sort of goal? I think not…
Is ‘childhood’ over already? If so, did I dose off during the ending?
Am I finally ready to face the world? The world, which society, family and media have been molding me to embark. There has to be more. A lot more to be learnt. Right? 20 years has done enough. It has made me me.
Daddy always says that I’m the most spoilt of the three. He also says that I’ve been disciplined the most. I like being daddy’s little girl. Always being asked what I want, “New clothes? Jewellery? Shoes? Ok, how about a car?” He’s totally lucky I’m not really the shopping kind.
I guess some things will never change. Tee hee…
So my birthday’s coming…ho hum. My birthday doesn’t interest me really. Big deal, I was born, I’m turning a year older. I guess it used to excite me a long time ago. Back when we got to wear ‘coloured clothes’ to school on our birthdays, bring bags and bags of sweets to distribute to everyone; friends, enemies, strangers, all were one to you, wishing and treating you with importance on ‘your’ day. We got to pick our one special best friend to accompany us on the grand ceremony of distributing sweets to the other teachers and friends in school, while everyone else looked at them in jealousy, and begged you with pleading eyes to take you along. *sigh, what a bizarre, tiresome ritual… wonder if it still exists.
I look back at that little curl-topped, wide-eyed girl, who didn’t speak to anyone till she was about 10. The only difference now is that I’m able to talk quite a lot when I’m in the mood. Being heard is another issue. First day of kindergarten, Sacred Heart School, Bahrain, clutching my pink Minnie Mouse bag, I’m dumped on a green, wooden chair, staring at multicoloured chunks of smelly modeling clay. Sitting next to me on a red wooden chair, is the chubbiest boy I’d ever seen (who I much later find out is called Sahil), with the chubbiest hands ever, holding on tightly to the chubbiest crayons in the world.
So yes, I’ve come far from the imaginary, dress-up, Barbie-doll games, and also through the awkward and embarrassed, geeky-looking-braces-on-teeth, lanky adolescent stage…*thankfully. And managed to make it through the amazingly wonderful and glorious years after that.
Insignificant and random things still amuse me. My loves include flowers, earrings, movies, nail polish, coffee and music. I have an infatuation for Mickey Mouse, Batman, Winnie the pooh and Johnny Depp. I don’t care much for the rain, but I love the sky. I still cry the same way; silently and heavy. I still laugh, smile, grin, and giggle the same…for almost anything. I have loved; I have been loved. I have been hurt; I have caused pain. I have danced about like a crazy person. I have embarrassed myself in public just for fun. I have prayed with utmost sincerity. I have wished, and I will always continue to thank.
Family is my priority. Music is my life. Art is my passion. Spirituality is my essence. My closest friends define aspects of my personality.
These 20 years have given me myself. There isn’t a single thing I regret doing in my life, and given the chance I would love doing it all over again. No matter how much I crib and moan about things, the journey keeps getting better.
Wow, all these reflections and stuff are making me sound pretty old…Which I’m not, by the way. This just happens to me at this time of year…plus there have been other ‘things’ happening this week.
Satisfaction. Happiness. Fortune. Bliss.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
I really don't have anything to say to you tonight, but since I clicked on the New Post button, I might as well do this...plus, I don't even know who you are so I don't know what will interest you right now. Hey, maybe there is no 'you'. I mean, what if no one ever reads this post...it will be floating around in cyberspace waiting to be read and disocvered by a 'you'. But since you're obviously reading this right now that never happened, and I have found a 'you' to read this and, well, I forgot what my point was. Ha, you know what? I think I need to sleep. Funny, I've slept for 32 of the past 48 hours and I'm still sleepy. but then I'm always sleepy so...
I really should stay away from pistachios.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Last week I received one of those “answer the random questions below and forward it to 200 people” kind of email from someone who had answered the questions and sent it to me….SO, here are those much awaited answers to random questions.
1) Do you have a crush on somebody? Of course I do
2) Do you hate more than 3 people? I do not hate. Dislike yes, but not hate
3) Least favorite school subject? Chemistry
4) Do you own a Britney Spears CD? yes, along with my Backstreet Boys, Westlife, Spice Girls, N'Sync and Christina Aguilera cds...
5) Have you ever thrown up in public? Loads of times…
6) Name one thing that is always on your mind. Music
7) What's your sign? 'No parking'
8) Do you like beer? Is this a trick question?
9) Have you ever made a prank phone call? Yes
10) Are you sarcastic? I forget
11) Is anyone in love with you? Yes, my kettle
12) Have you ever slapped someone? Yes
13) What was your first pet? A rock called Blue
14) Ever had braces? Yes, for a whole year
15) Do looks matter? Unfortunately it is a superficial world
16) How many children do you want? About 67-72
17) What did you do 3 nights ago? Took a train from Kannur to Udupi
18) Have you ever been in a castle? Yes
19) Nicknames? Jo, JoJo, Joey, Jonny, Annie, Chicku, Fuzz, Sloggle, Button, Fluff, Sheep
20) Are you thinking about somebody right now? Yes
21) Ever called somebody Boo? Yes
22) Do you smoke? No
23) Does anyone have a crush on you? Yes
24) Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Dunkin Donuts
25) Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex? Smile
26) Do you chat online often? My msn’s not working…
27) Pringles or Lays? Neither
28) Full House or The Brady Bunch? Full house, if I must…*sigh
29) Do you like your high school career guidance counselor? No, she was utterly useless
30) Money or love? For now, money
31) Do you enjoy scary movies? No
32) Who was the last person that said they loved you? Snickers
33) Who was the last person that made you cry? Karishma
34) Who was the last person that made you laugh? N.T Bhatt
35) Who was the last person that messaged you? Cedric
36) Who was the last person that called you? Nida
37) What is your best friend's Mom's name? Crystal
38) Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? Mr Dawson, Business Studies
39) Do you parallel park or drive around the block? My parallel parking is one of the worst sights ever…
40) Which shoe do you put on first? The right one
41) Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you? Yes
42) When is the last time you played the air guitar? Last night
43) Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room? Oh please…I walked right in
44) Do you have any strange phobias? Clowns
45) Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Tissue, but local brand, not so foreign
46) Have you ever done something you totally regretted? I have no regrets about any action or decision I've ever done
47) When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Coffee saves
48) Who is the fourth person on your missed call list on your cell phone? Jerk 5
49) What were you doing at midnight last night? Making fun of people at the hostel gate
50) What is your current desktop picture? Johnny Depp
51) The last song you listened to? My Favourite Game
) Where's 52? I ate it
i shall now go attempt to study for the test on the constitution...
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
-- To actually study for my exams.
-- No matter how late you wake up, and even if it somehow takes you forever to get yourself to college, you can still be 'early' for Human Communications lessons.
-- People in college are even more/just as immature as people I knew in high school.
-- People discriminate. A lot.
-- Sitting in the front bench can make you sleepier than sitting at the back.
-- People actually care about what other people think.
-- The walk through KC smells prettier in the mornings and evenings than the afternoons.
-- We have to get our own paper to print in the computer labs.
-- Environmental science should be banned.
-- Girls are totally messed up. Boys are a little less messed up.
-- The value of fines.
-- People think it's cute to correct my pronounciations, but get offended if I correct theirs.
-- The library isn't very impressive.
-- Sleep is the most wonderfullest thing ever.
-- Shoulders are the most important part of the body.
-- Working in a group isn't what you expect it to be.
-- If you lend a pen to someone here, don't expect it back. This applies to any piece of stationery actually.
-- Coffee still saves.
-- Girls here use abbreviations a lot. Eg- LS, ST, MCP
-- Don't worry. Just smile. Or hug.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
and i'm sitting here writing this when i'm supposed to be working on the reporting assignment, Evs assignment AND the history project..
maybe i'll go sleep for a bit.
song playing in my head:
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
Come on, now.
I hear youre feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?
There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.
Just a little pinprick. [ping]
Therell be no more --aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.
Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
Thatll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.
There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
What is it about cats and their high and mighty attitiude problem? Dogs are alright. They come running at you like you've been best friends with them for the past 52 years...BUT! I've never had a pet. Never gotten close to an animal. So I make do with whatever is around me. Although, the time I spend bonding with insects and naming them has greatly reduced, due to constant ridicule from my friends...*sigh
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Our Communication Club lessons provide us with a weekly dose of 'oh cool. i'm finally out of my bubble' kinda thoughts, not very common with my peers, but is proving to be something I'm enjoying very much. Quite like being back in the Cambridge common room again. Yay! *sigh...I miss those meow-ish sessions
You know what? I just re-read my previous posts...and although I haven't been too pleased with being labeled with the 'spoilt-gulfy-brat' stereotype, I realise that I DO very much sound like one. Daym, have I really changed that much in three months? I mean after living here for such a short time, the old dubai-living, cambridge-going person seems so...so...well to put it,so 'firang'. teehee, how's that for a 'desi' touch?
But come on, I'm not all that alien! Sure I've switched my bug shooing and swatting habits to making a few creepy-crawly friends and naming them, much to the delightment of my friends (Gary did come with me on the plane though). Plus I'm learning the local lingo too. But I'm still the same person. Gulfies are a bit pampered I do admit, but me spoilt?? Oh come on. I've seen spoilt, and there's absolutely no way I'm spoilt. I just miss home ok. Nida is right, we just miss the place we spent the past 19 years in. It was the only home we've known...But yes, I've adjusted here. Everything is so real. There's a very natural, greeny, plant-smelling kind of prettiness about, which tops way over dubai's fakeness. Even the air is real, and not manufactured. I do miss seeing flowers everywhere though...In the end, I'm kindof glad I decided to come here, rather than being the 'AUD going daddy's little girl, who drives around in her little automatic car' (to say in Derek's words) I might have been..
I don't think I can take anymore of this MIC politics though. People gossip too much.
Ban hate. Throw a party for your enemy.