Life is but a dream

I melt
When a sunbeam on my face,
Like a stream of fairy dust,
Leaves me in a daze.

I melt
When a newborn smiles at angels
In his immaculate sleep,
After my crooning song.

When chubby little fingers grab my hand,
When my toes sink deep into cold, salty sand;
When the fragrance of age-old paperbacks,
Get me lost in my duvet covers,
I melt.

I melt
At the sight of heartache,
Even more so, at the sight of conflict.
I melt
With every loss of hope,
Even more so, at the loss of trust.
I melt.

I melt
At new horizons,
At the prospect of new beginnings;
Life.

I melt
When scintillating flavours,
Cover me in warm familiar layers,
And take me home.

I melt
At his striking laughter,
The stolen kisses,
And our deep demeanour.

I melt.
At the soulful blues,
Our rock and roll beats;
Those peace-loving fools.

I melt.

Love beans

*sniff

That scent…where was it coming from?
I could recognise it anywhere…that sweet, bitter aroma that hit every nerve on my body and made me tingle.
He was near…very near. What could I do? I looked around me to see if there was anywhere I could hide. Maybe I should just turn around quickly and walk away…
No.
I should continue walking calmly and just pretend that I hadn’t noticed. Yes…I should do that. I can do that. I had done it before…just moved on.

---- ---- ---- ----
It had been three long years since our last rendezvous. The affair…yes, I call it an affair…had kept me bound for five years. Those five years in which I had spent every waking minute trapped in his rapture. I was young, naïve, and eagerly ready for new discoveries. I thought I was in control, but oh how I overestimated myself. The moment my lips were touched on that cold winter night, I knew there was no looking back. The taste consumed me…my tongue was on fire…the ecstasy seeped down deep into my body and into my veins until I felt something like never before. What was this feeling? This sudden rush…my head felt light…and I felt alive.

After that night there was no looking back. I would crave for more…at all times of the day…In the corner of the classroom…or even sneaking out of my room in the middle of the night. I was suddenly happier, more energetic. People noticed a different side of me...told me I looked radiant, and everyone was happy for me. I was glad, but craved for more.

As time passed, our relationship got rocky. I became too dependant and couldn’t function normally on my own anymore. It had come to a point where the sparks were barely flaring…there was no more exhilaration…no more erotic intensity…just mundane routine; a routine that had consumed me and taken control over every one of my decisions and actions. Mornings were spent in an air of strenuous silence, no eye contact, no intimacy; just a chronic sketch. I didn’t know what had happened…what had changed? He seemed indifferent to everything…perhaps it was me…
I needed out. I needed to end it. And I did.

---- ---- ---- ----
I look up as I hear the clinking of a spoon. That familiar clinking as the sugar dissolves and blends into the flavour of his dark and alluring presence. I close my eyes and take a deep breath…I breathe in and savour that warm, creamy, zealous fragrance. It’s been such a long time…a tiny peck wouldn’t hurt… after all, I am much stronger than I used to be.
I spit out the two-hour old gum from my mouth and drink some water…if I was going to do it, I as going to do it right. I march up to the counter, look directly into the handsome barista’s eyes and say, “One caramel espresso macchiato please”.

It was time for chai to step aside for a bit, so that I could rekindle my first flame: Coffee.